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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
What Is It and How It Affects You

Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of behaviour used by some people that involves manipulation, control and emotional and psychological harm. 

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It can happen in romantic relationships, families, friendships and workplaces. It is often subtle, confusing and difficult to explain to others, which is part of why it can go unnoticed for so long.

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People with strong narcissistic traits often have a deep need for control, admiration, validation and dominance over another. This usually compensates for unconscious insecurities and a fragile sense of self. They may present themselves as confident, charming and caring at first, but this surface can mask more problematic patterns underneath.

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Unlike physical abuse, narcissistic abuse is often subtle and invisible to others. That makes it easy to miss, both for you and for people around you. Lots of health professionals still misunderstand this kind of abuse, and people seeking help for anxiety, stress, depression or burnout can be misdiagnosed because the real dynamic is overlooked.

Common Traits and Patterns

A person who uses narcissistic behaviour might:

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  • Seek constant attention, praise or validation and expect others to provide it.

  • Believe they are special or entitled to certain treatment above others.

  • Struggle with genuine empathy.

  • Avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour.

  • Blame others when things go wrong.

  • Offer apologies that feel hollow, conditional or manipulative.

  • Gaslight, manipulate or use abusive behaviour to control.

  • ​Create drama, chaos or repeated cycles of conflict and reconciliation.

You may notice constant ups and downs. Periods of warmth followed by coldness. Affection followed by criticism. Closeness followed by withdrawal. In the early stages of a relationship, it can feel exciting and flattering. You may feel seen, chosen and understood. This is part of why people can get pulled in so deeply. Yet over time the dynamic often becomes confusing, draining and emotionally destabilising.

Why It’s Hard to Spot

Narcissistic abuse isn’t always loud or overt. It can be:

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  • Subtle, like repeated criticism disguised as 'joking.'

  • Gaslighting, where your reality is denied and you doubt your own memory or feelings.

  • Charm followed by withdrawal or unpredictable responses.

  • Behaviour that leaves others thinking there must be something 'wrong' with you rather than the dynamic itself.
     

This kind of abuse can be especially hard to recognise if you grew up with unpredictability, inconsistent caregiving or other relational wounds, because your nervous system may have learned to adapt to instability as 'normal.'

How Narcissistic Abuse Affects You

Being in a dynamic like this can affect your health and wellbeing in many ways. Research and clinical experience show that ongoing emotional abuse and manipulation can lead to:

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  • Chronic self-doubt, persistent anxiety or hypervigilance

  • Walking on eggshells

  • Difficulty trusting others or your own judgement

  • Emotional exhaustion

  • Questioning your memory or perception, often as a result of gaslighting.

  • Confusion about what is real

​Your nervous system adapts to survive the unpredictability. You may become more vigilant, more accommodating, or more self-silencing in order to maintain stability. Over time this can feel like you have lost your clarity, your steadiness or even your sense of self. Narcissistic abuse can also be misunderstood by others because the behaviour is not always obvious.

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​It is important to say that narcissistic abuse looks different for everyone. Some experiences are overt and obvious. Others are subtle and deeply confusing. The impact depends on the dynamic, the duration, and your own relational history.

 

People outside the relationship often see only parts of what is happening and may not recognise the emotional harm you are experiencing. This can leave you feeling isolated or unheard.

Common Patterns You Might Notice

Some signs that you may be in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits include:

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  • Constant ups and downs in the relationship, with dramatic shifts between warmth and withdrawal.

  • Feeling emotionally exhausted despite seemingly minor interactions.

  • Frequent unpredictability in mood or responses from the other person.

  • Difficulty getting an apology that feels genuine or full.

  • Conversations that always turn back to the needs or feelings of the other person.

  • Accusations towards you which are false and untrue.
     

These patterns are not a reflection of your worth or strength. They are the result of a relationship dynamic that is emotionally enforcing instability and confusion.

Why Recognising This Matters

Understanding these behaviours is a key first step in recovery. It helps you:

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  • Recognise patterns rather than personalise them

  • Start to see the person and the relationship through a different lense

  • See how your nervous system has adapted to survive these experiences, and start incorporating practices to support you

  • Taking time to explore your options

  • Begin the process of healing and rebuilding emotional regulation and clarity

  • If needed, leaving the relationship

​Recognising narcissistic abuse is not about blaming yourself. It is about gaining clarity on what has been happening and beginning to take steps towards healthier interactions and internal regulation.

If you are experiencing or recovering from narcissistic abuse but feel you need deeper support and healing, please reach out. Healing from Narcissistic Abuse is complex and takes time. Contact me today to arrange an exploratory call. 

Curious, courageous and committed. 

Working with women who are willing to pause, reflect, and step into change is something I never take for granted. It’s a privilege to guide and witness their journeys.

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